Living on a shoestring

THANKS to Treasurer Peter Costello's Budgets, I've learnt to live on a shoestring. But it's OK, if it's boiled and a little garlic and tomato paste added.

Rain of terror

IN England, a lump of frozen urine the size of a tennis ball fell from a plane and crashed through an elderly couple's roof.
How did they know it wasn't airline coffee?

The PM holidaying in Broome?

TO the good citizens of Broome: I don't want to cause alarm or give you the shivers, but the Prime Minister wasn't looking for a house, was he?

Nuclear address

SO, living next door to a nuclear plant wouldn't worry Prime Minister Howard. But what if there were to be a nuclear fall-out...with the Australian voters?

Desalination

I hope yachtsman Tony Bullimore takes care - I don't want little bits of him in my drinking water.

Shane Warne: Poetry in Motion

IT'S true that you could have been thinner,
But a winner, we know, is a grinner.
You're simply the best,
You must have been blest,
Well done, and now please...come in spinner.